And it's that time again! Hello again (snort) faithful readers (snigger), sorry, sorry, my bad, (snerk)... er anyway, those of you who were paying attention will remember that the author's attempt at serious dramatic fiction didn't go down too well. So now, me and the loudmouth in pinstripes are stuck in the metaphorical mud. And the author is staring into space and sobbing.
Hey! Why am I the loudmouth in pinstripes?
Because I don't wear pinstripe suits. Duh.
Not what I meant. So not what I meant. Anyway you weren't mad at me last week when RC callously killed off your parents. You cried all over me.
Key words : last week. Being stuck in a pose for months last time was a pain, but at least we were in the TARDIS. She talks to me, and keeps you quiet. This time I'm stuck in a non-sentient room with you for seven days. Do you ever stop talking? Besides I figured out that since the author never even gave them names, and that I have no memory of them anyway, that it doesn't really matter whether I've got parents or not. Anyway, RC was right. Being an orphan is a common trait in fictional characters. It creates pathos. Very professional.
And you couldn't have figured this out BEFORE you got eyeshadow stains all over my shirt?
Nope.
Gah!...Hey, the author's back! I'm sorry about last week RC really I a- (GLOMP) Aargh my ribs! Leggo!
"Waaaah!" (unintelligible sobbing)
Make her let go! She's crushing my spleen! Aack!
Huh, TimeLords have spleens?
Saaam! Help! I can't breathe!
"Not fair (sob), such a great actor (sob), whyyy? (sob). Waaaaaaahhh!"
Let...go...please...can't...breathe...(gasp)...Sam...
Sorry Doc, I can't get her to move. What's with the mood shift anyway? Last week you made her cry and she ran off. Now she won't let go of you.
Not...enough...air...to...think...ask...her...(gasp)...
"Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!, not letting go! Ever!"
Hey, you're coherent! What's with the sudden upset? I thought you were mad at the Doc?
"He's leeeeeaaavviing! Waaaaahh!"
What? Doc, is there something you forgot to tell m-? oh... he's passed out... RC what's wrong?
(sniff) "He's not coming baaaack!...Ahahna! (nose blowing noises)
Who?
(noise of someone pulling themselves together with difficulty)..."David Tennant. He quit. After next year's specials he's finished. No more tenth Doctor...(sniff)"
Oh. That really sucks.
"Yeah."
No wonder you wouldn't let go of the Doc.
"Huh? Oh... yeah... why's he on the floor?"
You crushed his spleen. And lungs. There may be spinal damage.
"Oh yeah. Oops."
Better go create a jar of nanogenes for him. Otherwise he'll be regenerating early.
"Um, yeah, good idea."
Uhhhh...owww....my spine...uhh...
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